Eve of DR 2012

I feel like this weekend is the end of a long period of time that has brought me my fair share of trials and sorrow.....I have fought the good fight for so long I feel like I now deserve a period of rest....come Monday night the past is put away forever..
what ever happens this weekend I pray it burns me down to ashes so that I may emerge anew...

I am the goddess of never not broken...
I am the phoenix...

Betrayal...or "raviolis are the devils food"

hahaha

So originally I was planning on doing the 12 mile swim at DR...no need to go into it, but had an article published and then decided not to have it added to the DR page although it exists in cyberspace somewhere...still my name is listed as having had an article written and there is also the Boston Globe article I could count...so it turns out the first betrayal for DR this year is all racers must do the12 miles swim because of the few who chose not to do the article...wow...hahaha Andy and Joe you two crazy kids....I can't leave school as it is my last day and I lost 10 days at Peak...so I have no idea what will happen to me when I finally get to Pittsfield...it is what it is...I am a teacher and I can't take off on the last day of school I want to say goodbye to the kids...

Speaking of DR though...I am totally out of shape...I have been in "nesting" mode having moved in with Doc....I have never been more relaxed and happy...now that is not necessarily a good thing in terms of DR as I am not at the same point as I was last year...filled with fight and fervor and ready to spend my weekend carrying a bale of hay up a mountain..the only thing I have carried is the leather couch we bought yesterday and I did a horrible job carrying my end the ten feet from the truck into the house lol...

I am also not at "fighting" weight (or so says Doc) for DR but truth be told I like being this skinny....although I know it is bad bad bad if I want to have strength as skinny = less muscle and I was WAY bigger last year at this time...I could bang out sets of pullups no problem and right now I am afraid to even try to do one. 

The other night Doc made these mushroom raviolis and then horror of horrors he expected me to eat them!!!Now carbs and I are not close friends and I felt like I had already eaten enough since I broke into the Whole Foods roasted chicken I got after hitting the gym and had eaten two legs while sitting in traffic on RT 9 trying to get back home.  How did Doc get me to eat carbs?  Well after settling in he opened a bottle of Pinot Noir and we relaxed a bit and listened to music.   He ate his chicken soup and we started to talk about the latest DR email.  He said I am not eating enough to be able to handle the temperatures and swimming that distance.  He said I could add another 20 lbs on my frame and still look good and be a better athlete (eck!!!!)  I am doing really well with my eating issues but heck I am no where near ready to move past 115 and right now I am about 107 in the morning and 109 at the end of the day.....if I was a bodybuilder the paleo diet I presently follow (not really on purpose it is just how I eat) would be good (I eat 80% of my calories from meat good fats and vegetables) but I am an endurance athlete...so back to the raviolis...Doc brought me in the kitchen I sat on the counter he made raviolis and doused them in olive oil and pepper and salt and cut one at a time in half and hand fed me...and that is how the man got me to eat carbs...he lovingly fed them to me...and he talked all about how good they are for my body in a soothing tone...kind of like the carb whisperer...lol....

I am not saying I am ready to eat pizza or anything crazy like that...but the raviolis were good...a bit salty for my taste...but yummy nonetheless...the devil has good taste....

DR 2012 I am all in or Boston Globe article....Joe Desena is a funny guy

DR 2012

I am all in…..

Made my final decision last night and talked about  it with Kev while sipping the last of a very delicious bottle of Trader Joe's reserve Doc and I started before he headed to San Fran for his conference (love me my cheap wine).  Later Doc called between meetings and social commitments and I shared with him my final decision which of course he supported.  I think what made me feel really good about going into DR still recovering from Peak and focused more on the move in with Doc was first talking about DR with a writer from the Boston Globe. Doug Drotman contacted me earlier this week and asked if a writer from the Globe could interview me about DR. I was at first hesitant as I did not want another “sick girl overcomes obstacles and runs around like a crazy person carrying a log” story.  And I was happy to say the writer Kevin was really funny and asked great questions and I think the story will be focused on DR and what it is all about so that was really cool.  I also emailed back and forth with Andy and Joe about a question I had and realized that although Joe scares the absolute crap out of me he is really a very funny guy (still if Joe says jump I will say “yes sir…how high?). 

I realized that DR is all about the experience and the people for me and no longer is something I must face because I am an angry sick girl.  I look forward to seeing Andy as always and now I know Joe knows who I am I will even venture to say hi without then running fast the other way ; ) Actually it is pretty cool to be involved with this as both Joe and Andy have such amazing accomplishments of their own in terms of endurance sports and experiences…I can easily put my faith in them cuz they have both walked the walk..therefore they can if they so desire talk the talk…thing is they are not the kind of guys to brag about their accomplishments or talk smack unless it is to torture you and undermine your personal faith in all that is good in the world so you quit DR and leave with your tail between your legs…otherwise they are just two happy go lucky guys.

Last year I went into DR with a crap load of stuff on my shoulders…carrying that along with my pack and log well that was tough..this year I could not be lighter and honestly happier…I am actually looking forward to heading to DR without support although Doc says he wants to be there I will feel slightly bad as support  can’t really help you at all so I feel like he will be bored silly but knowing Doc he will want to be there at least part of the time…Julie may come up to check in on me but again I don’t want crew or support this year at all.  I think for some reason I do best when it is just me depending on  me.

I am actually really looking forward to this year's race.  I seriously doubt I will finish cuz I can't sew a button and I have been too busy decorating to train but I will try my hardest and I will keep my sense of humor intact and just enjoy the ride....

For the first time in a long while I feel like I have this bright future ahead of me..

I am the goddess of never not broken 

With every trial and every heart ache I gain strength 

I break free of chains I have had placed on me and I have placed myself

I no longer swallow the negative and choke on it as it fills my throat

Instead I take that negative energy and I feed on it 

I use it as an energy source  to grow and change 

I am a better me now than I have ever been

But I have so much more to become.....