Total Pageviews

Thursday, August 8, 2013

a minor rant...silly silly just plain stupid silly

People can be
single single
or
single but in a relationship
or
single but with a life partner
or
married
or
divorced and single
or
divorced and in a relationship
or
?
I am sure I am missing some combination...
but the bottom line is a woman can find herself in one or more of these situations during her life time...
the question I have is where did the concept that a women in her forties who has never been married is somehow abnormal or suspect or should be deemed as being somehow "less then" a married woman or a divorced woman????

I am forty three and never been married or even engaged....yes I had boyfriend's and yes we talked about marriage and I even lived with a man from age 28 to 34 that I considered my life partner and yes I lived with another man and his children.... but no I was never "officially" engaged...
that is until this summer.....

Doc asked me to marry him in June while I was taking a bath after the TARC 100....I asked him to marry me a month later via FB as he was in Colorado and I was in Vermont.
I am pretty sure that he does not think I am
abnormal
or suspect
or less of a woman because I was never married..
(he thinks I am rather silly at times and a bit of a nuisance when I have an anxiety attack or when I walk around with my shirt pulled up yelling "my belly is sooo fat" but no... not abnormal : )

Doc is divorced.  I know it is not something that brought him joy...
I know most people who go through a divorce go through a very difficult time...
I would never say to Doc.."Your marriage didn't work that is a reflection of you as a human being..you are abnormal or suspect or less than other men who are still married or who are single"
I would never say that
because
well
that would be silly...
It sounds like something that would have been said during the times of the scarlet letter or better yet the witch trials...

So why would someone say that?

What would make a person say something so cruel and obviously not true about another human being?  To say that just because it took someone a bit longer to find a life partner or just because a person chose a different path to follow in their life instead of marriage in their 20's or 30's it makes them:
"less then"
abnormal
suspect

The world (thank god) is filled with people who are fighting the good fight every day...their battles may be with a different enemy but you know what?  The are really trying...
I know I have...
I try really hard to be balanced and calm and together...
it just doesn't always go my way...
sometimes I just can't keep it together...
no matter how hard I try...
but I don't give up..
I keep at it...
married, divorced, single
we are all just trying to leave this earth having made a positive impact....

No one has ever said to me
"you have cancer because your body is weak or inferior"
that would be crazy!!!!
So why would someone say
"you have been single into your forties because your heart, your mind, your soul, or your capacity to love is inferior?"

Nah....I don't buy it....
So if you are like me...in your forties and single or in your forties and just finding the right man (or woman) to commit to...hold your head high...there is nothing wrong with you
you are not
"less then"
suspect
abnormal
compared to other women...

no
you are none of those things..
you are me...
I am you..
we are all in this together....
let's not forget that...