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Saturday, December 28, 2013

2014 aka the year I get back to my roots aka if ya wanta be a runnah ya run!

Yep...
been running...
4 hours on Friday
11 mile mtn summit Saturday
Sunday up to Joe's mtn
Take M with me to Rutland to
pick up Matt
train all day Monday on Mtn
Tuesday looooooong run
and Wednesday looooooong run

2014
I plan to run
every
single
day

2014
How Mishy got her groove back....
in terms of running that is....

I am going back

back to what got me so many ultra finishes
when I ran an ultra pretty much every weekend...
all
year
long
for 3 years
in a row

for 2014 to be a monumental year in terms of my athletic pursuits
I got to get my sh@t
together

to be a runner
ya got to run

I will still do DR
but won't bother to train for DR
I am a runner
one that enjoys carrying heavy stuff...
but in the end
I run...


Thursday, December 26, 2013

Beaver Brook aka how I like to spend my Christmas

I spent my Christmas hiking with Doc....
we went to Beaver Brook in Pepperell/Hollis NH
we put on our weighted vests and roamed the trails
to me
that is the perfect way to spend the day....

I am not big on a holiday being a "special" day
the special part is  being able to get outside and
do something I love with people I love...

Traditions I have started with Doc
Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years....
we hike or snowshoe..

We are the same in our feeling that parties with food and alcohol
is not how we want to spend the day..
nor are we into buying gifts....
we bought useful ones for one another...
toiletries from me
and
Doc paid for Japhy to be cremated
and new poles and an outdoor shower for Peak
but pretty much that was it in terms of presents..

I have never sent Christmas cards...
it is nice getting them from people
but I have never been a card giver....

I don't like
stuff
unless
stuff
is used
to do
stuff
: )

This holiday season really represents an end
and end to quite a few years of sadness...
I have rid myself of poisonous people..
I have found my way back to myself

I was talking to K.G. the other day and he said Andy
said Michelle could win a DR if she just got her ____ together....
haha

well I think I may just take that suggestion to heart Mr. Wineberg...
: )

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

when I was 25

I was just getting out of the peace corps and I was sick and living in a closet....
I will be 44 in a few weeks..
if life was different I would have a sixteen year old son...
but life is what it is
and I do not have children
I am blessed to have been given the opportunity to teach
so although I am not a mother..
I can be a mentor

I think back to the mentors of my youth
Connie Bellafatto my second mum
Mr Bruce Ford my high school physics and chemistry teacher...
Jane and Jody my girl scout leaders
Nipmuck Dave my trail running mentor

the only thing these people have in common was selflessness

This weekend I met a young man who dreams of giving back to his community
he talked of his dreams his past present and future...
and I thought..
what it would be like to have him for a son...
to watch him grow into such a man who wants
to be a positive member of his community...

I was once an idealist
now
I am a realist
but
not one who is bitter
broken
who brings others down
nope
I am a genuinely happy realist
I like to think of myself as a
caller
outter
of
baloney...

still

I am glad there are young people like M.
they make me smile in the midst of their
enthusiasm
it is sweet


I love social media
it allows me to speak my mind...
I dislike social media
as it makes heroes out of the wrong people...

the new guard
and the
old guard

a mentor
yes
but one with
eyes
wide
open...







Tuesday, December 3, 2013

trying to simplify aka do I really need place mats?

I have these 3 separate worlds
3 different me's
school me
athlete me
and green party member lover of John Hanson Mitchell and Gary Snyder and Kerouac me..

they make for an interesting
well
Mutt..

I have always connected more so with the scraggly mutt than the pure breed...

I
am
a
mutt

I want to own a trail running lodge
with yurts
and
a hand made giant log cabin with a central rock fireplace
for
amazing meals
and
there would be
loads of books
and comfy seats and cushions that you can sit on with your shoes...
and dogs and a big Maine coon cat
and
instead of indoor showers we would have old school saunas for the winter
and
outdoor cold water showers from an artisan well
and outdoor cooking
and bonfires
 and races
and mtn bike rides
and snowshoeing
and CONVERSATION
no TV
no WiFi
music would come from an old piano and a few old school John Denver guitars and whatever voices come to stay...
and life would be
about
the people who come into your life
and
the experiences you share with them...

no more
Whole Foods
no more
Starbucks
no more
Walmart
Marshalls
Target
Homegoods
Tj's
Home Depot
Rt 9 traffic
beeping and rush hour pandemonium
and anger from a stranger
because
they have to be somewhere
and their somewhere is more important
than
your somewhere

I would highlight my hair with chamomile tea
I would dred my hair and weave in ribbons
pretty ribbons
I would never own another pair of heels
just cowboy boots, trail runners, flip flops and my Italian hiking boots
I would learn to sew and or knit and cook vegan cinnamon buns
I would drink scotch under the stars
I would grow my own vegetables
I would have chickens
I would read my books
again and
again and
well again
until
I could read that book
to you
and
make
you
FEEL
your self inside the story

sigh
I want to run trails and build trails and do manual labor
but I am a
teacher
and a good one
but I prefer
to
be
alone
maybe that is why I am a great teacher
I
do
not
judge
those kids
that everyone
else judges...
Kids know
well that they are
safe
with me
that I will
NEVER
make them feel
that they are not worthy
I will not compare
one to another
but accept them all
each has a gift
I tend to want to protect
those that have yet to find their gift
those that are marginalized
those that look at the world in a different way
those that may
be
suspect
because
they do not follow
instead
they stop and sit on a rock
and watch the procession pass by
caught up
in the
flight
of a monarch...

Monday, December 2, 2013

Reaching out to an old friend

I reached out to S today... one part of a triad that was once known as the three musketeers....more like the three stooges : )

I asked S if he wanted to run with me...
I told him... lately I have been caught up in too much
just
too
much...

I didn't have to say to him
I missed you
he just knew..

Just like K
or
J
or any of the old peeps....

They know I miss them
they miss me
WE miss running
together...
some still run
but
not all of us together
not anymore

I wish
I had
that
time
back....

So I am feeling overwhelmed by stuff that just does not matter
and I feel like I have lost
lost a connection
untethered now
floating
away
from what does matter

off FB
quiet my mind
write here
express myself here
here
where there is no
mention
of
me....

I will not cease to be
because
I am not on
FB

I will not cease to be
because
I am not in "the loop"
in
"the know"
in
well...
never
have
I really
just
been "IN"

I am
a saint
and a clown sinner
but
being honest
well
that
just
got me
called out
for
rocking the boat

It is a game why can't you just be good and play along..
why do you have to call us out
we didn't ask for your opinion
WE DID NOT ASK YOU..
you judge us
yet we really
hurt no one
we give people what they want
you see
we give them their false gods
we let them forget for a moment 
how horrible their lives are...
we are the chosen few..
we give ourselves to the throne
and we allow them to place their gifts
at 
our 
feet
they want us
need us
who are you to tell me I am wrong?
I have 100 likes
what
do 
you
have?
You who are nothing
You who can't enjoy the ride, but always
have to call out
slow down
be careful
WATCH WHERE YOU ARE GOING...
Well
no one wants to hear it...
they prefer me
I am pretty
and strong
and I show you my life
and I say
if you are skinnier...prettier...stronger...have more likes
you will be happier...
I am shiny and new
what are you?
old
and 
cynical

They will always choose me....
stop wasting your breath..

Sigh....
probably
yes
what you say is probably true...
the majority will choose you
and the chance to
be you
if only through your posts..

but

today
I reached out to S
and I said..
lets run...
and
I will run
and
the run is for me
and me
alone
your right
I don't want that seat on the throne....
I'd much rather
them do their own run..
or better yet..
run beside me...







Sunday, December 1, 2013

and its not even 2014 yet...aka are your shoes kinda big???That's ok I will try them on....

but I am starting anew....all other posts are in limbo for now...so if you stumble on my blog it is not really me
because I have been put in my place

yep...
It has been made very clear to me that the person I am
is
well
disliked
why?
hmmmm
I guess
because
I speak my mind
because
I prefer funny silly pictures of myself
to glorifying that which is fleeting
something without substance
beauty

because
I do not brand or sell myself
because
I am not so shallow as to believe I am really worth more than
any
other
person...

because
I
Call
You
Out....
I call you out on your self centered fodder...
because there is no joy in what you do
you do it because you WANT something
people to worship you
to want to be you
because adoration from others
is how you
have  chosen
to find
your self worth..
you
of course
are free to make that choice
but
I am free to call you out on it...

I am not a young pup
I am old school
anything you do now
well
I have already done
I have nothing to prove
I never did
except to myself

vanity
I  am embarrassed for others who revel in this
because when I see myself I do not see physical beauty...
I never have
I do
see
inner beauty
the kind that comes about from being
truthful and honest
being the kind of person others will trust
that I will have follow through
that I
will walk in your shoes
even if they are too big
and if need be
I will carry you on my shoulders
I will do so without fanfare
I do not
do things
to make you love me
you who I do not understand
that I do not wish to understand
you
just
make
me
sad....

I am not afraid to stand up for what I believe in
I am not afraid to be the dissenting voice
I owe you nothing
you do not define me
I answer to no one


I have nothing in my life
that I can't own
and hold on to
life has dropped me
and I smashed
to pieces
but I put myself back together again
yes there are a few new cracks...
they were not there before...

and for awhile
I was afraid to speak...
but I know I need to...
if I don't
a part of me will die....

I have thought about this a great deal in the last couple of weeks
and I have come to some conclusions.....

No one has the right to tell me how to live my life if my choices never effect another person in a negative way..

We all must sleep
we must close our eyes and let our bodies and minds
rest
and when we do
we all have a moment
in the dark
where we can't get out of our own head
and it is at this exact moment
that every one of you
who do things to hurt others
realize
you are
weak

that you are guilty
of hurting others
to make yourself feel
like you have worth

why?

there are many people out there
who talk themselves into believing
that hurting others
judging others
lying
stealing
cheating
sullying someones name or character
is ok
that they have the RIGHT to do this
because
they
are
worth
more

I am here to say
no
you
don't

and

no
you
are
not

If you judge others
but you can't
handle being judged
without lashing out
tearing
others down...
you
are
a coward...

if this is you
I am here to say
I don't care how beautiful you are
how strong your are
the amazing physical feats you have accomplished
it does not matter
if this is you
ask yourself
why?
why do I feel the need
to make myself
into a character?
a marketable
THING
why do you value this
over your heart?

take it from me
it
is
fleeting
this branded you...
there will always be someone
faster
stronger
prettier
and
younger
and they must
like the story goes
slay their dragon...
you
are
their
dragon

Now me
I decided
a long time ago
that I like dragons

when you die
what do YOU
want to be remembered for?
Me
I don't want to be remembered
I want to leave
the world
just as I found it
because
I am not stupid
enough to think
I really matter
to anyone
but
my
own conscience..
I answer
to
no
one

Who
do
you
answer
to?